Sexual harassment in the workplace includes unwanted advances, touching, requests for sexual acts, and other actions of a sexual nature that may cause discomfort.
An innocent act—like asking a coworker on a date—may make the other person uncomfortable for a moment. However, if you didn’t intend to make them uncomfortable, can a workplace still take your actions as harassment? This begs the question: Is it considered sexual harassment to ask out a coworker?
Is It Sexual Harassment To Ask Out a Coworker?
Ultimately, the answer is no. Asking out a coworker is not illegal, nor is it sexual harassment. However, this fact does not mean that choosing to ask someone out won’t cause some issues with your job. You put yourself in a vulnerable position when you ask out a coworker. If they say no, things can become awkward at work and affect productivity. If they say yes, employers in at-will employment states or companies with no-dating policies can fire romantically-involved employees.
Sometimes, a relationship can break down, and employees can act vindictively toward one another. Additionally, if someone in a higher position becomes romantically involved with a subordinate, others may accuse them of favoritism. Dating in the workplace can be a tough thing to navigate.
Can the Pursuit of Romance Become Sexual Harassment?
If you ask out a coworker, and they say no to you, that is where the pursuit should end. Repeated request for dates does count as sexual harassment because, in this situation, you know your continued advances are unwanted. If they change their mind later, this isn’t an issue, but you shouldn’t try to “convince” someone else to date you after they say no.
Remember that there is also a power dynamic that comes into play. For instance, if you’re someone in a higher position of power, such as a manager, and you ask out an employee, they may feel afraid to say no to you. In this case, they may agree to a date out of fear of losing their job or receiving a poor review and can claim sexual harassment later on. Remember that sexual harassment can significantly affect a work environment, and if you’re in a position of power, it is partially your responsibility to foster a safe workspace.
How To Appropriately Ask Out a Coworker
It’s best to ask out a coworker in a private space they feel comfortable in, particularly toward the end of the day. This way, they have time to think about it, and you don’t have to spend the whole day avoiding each other. You can ask them for drinks after work, suggest lunch or coffee, or propose any neutral public activities.
If they say no, remain calm, neutral, and respectful. Even if they don’t respond in the nicest way, you don’t want to act in an unprofessional way. If they say yes, then you can go from there. But the best thing you can always do in either situation is to remain kind, compassionate, and understanding.
